看一部电影又好像在偷窥别人的生活，在暗处的我，凭着好奇心在观察别人的一举一动。平时，看着自己房间对面窗户里亮着的灯光，想像那里的人在做什么，在经历什么样的人生，是不是也和我一样开心着或哭泣着。于是电脑屏幕就成为另一扇窗口，一目了然地为我呈现那里面的悲欢冷暖。它也让我感觉到每个人都有故事，不管是那酒吧里谈笑风生的年轻美女，还是走在街上裹着羽绒服低头疾步的中年男人。
我自己的故事也总是可以在脑子变成一部电影，播放一遍，也是有笑有泪，有时甚至可以带我回去当时的时间，重温当时的感觉，再一次被感动。原来自己的生活是平凡，但决不平庸。一件件小事的积累，可以用来证明我也不是白白活在这世上。
精彩的电影，总是有续集的。我能保证我的续集只会超越第一部，一定值回票价。
最近一直听到有人说，趁现在的时间，应该好好享受生活，不然以后找到工作后就再没有这么大把时间来做自己喜欢的事了。
可是我现在也什么都做不了，天天有点行尸走肉，有点力不从心，有点心灰意冷。
恨自己的消极性格，不过也已经觉得自己改善很多了，谢谢朋友们，也谢谢他相信我。
不管未来是怎样，我都要面对。我知道身边一直都有你们在，让我慢慢开始有勇气去面对。
不适应的事情慢慢开始适应了，可是我还是想逃跑，想改变。
不过我还是庆幸，庆幸自己还可以无忧无虑的笑，肆无忌惮的哭。
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed
around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit.
So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed
college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption.
She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates,
so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and
his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute
that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting
list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an
unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My
biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated
from college and that my father had never graduated from high school.
She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few
months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to
college. This was the start in my life.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college
that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class
parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six
months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to
do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it
out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved
their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all
work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was
one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could
stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin
dropping in on the ones that looked far more interesting.
It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the
floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to
buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday
night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved
it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and
intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one
example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy
instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every
label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had
dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to
take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif
and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between
different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great.
It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science
can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life.
But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh
computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac.
It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never
dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never
had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since
Windows just copied the Mac, it’s likely that no personal computer
would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped
in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the
wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to
connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was
very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect
them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow
connect in your future. You have to trust in
something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing
in the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to
follow your heart even when they leave you off the well-worn path. And it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I
started Apple in my parents’ garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and
in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a
$2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our
finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned
30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you
started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very
talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so
things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge
and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of
Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out.
What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was
devastating.
I really didn’t know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let
the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the
baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob
Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very
public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley.
But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did.
The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been
rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple
was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness
of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner
again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most
creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another
company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would
become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world’s first computer
animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful
animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple
bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at
NeXT is at the heart of Apple’s current renaissance. And Laurene and I
have a wonderful family together.
I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired
from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient
needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose
faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I
loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you
love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your
work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be
truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only
way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it
yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the
heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship,
it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking.
Don’t settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live
each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be
right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33
years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If
today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about
to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days
in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever
encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost
everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of
embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of
death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are
going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you
have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not
to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in
the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn’t
even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost
certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect
to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go
home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor’s code for prepare to
die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you’d
have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to
make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as
possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy,
where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and
into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells
from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that
when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started
crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic
cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and thankfully
I’m fine now.
This was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope it’s the
closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can
now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a
useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to
die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one
has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very
likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It
clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you,
but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old
and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living
someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with
the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’
opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the
courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know
what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole
Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was
created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo
Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the
late 1960’s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it
was all made with typewriters, scissors, and Polaroid cameras. It was
sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came
along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great
notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog,
and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was
the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final
issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you
might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath
it were the words: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” It was their farewell
message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have
always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew,
I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish.
你再也不會夢 或痛
或心動了
你已經決定了 你已經決定了
你 靜靜 忍著
緊緊把昨天在拳心握著
而回憶越是甜 就是
越傷人了
越是在 手心留下 密密麻麻 深深淺淺 的刀割
你不是真正的快樂 你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼
這 世界 笑了
於是妳合群的一起笑了
當生存是規則 不是 你的選擇
於是妳 含著眼淚 飄飄盪盪 跌跌撞撞 的走著
你不是真正的快樂 你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼
你不是真正的快樂 你的傷從不肯完全的癒合
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了 然後才後悔著
你值得真正的快樂 你應該脫下你穿的保護色
為什麼失去了 還要被懲罰呢
能不能就讓 悲傷全部 結束在此刻 重新開始活著
